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Beady

January 8, 2010

“[J]ust try calling someone once in a while…” “…[i]t will do you wonders,” said I in my previous post Digital Cleanse Rehab. Define wonders.

Have you ever had a crush on someone that you chose to let go, but later on that crush came back? (perhaps it never really left). Before there was Siène and after there was Ajai, there was Beady (my sister came up with this name). I wasn’t sure if I my feelings for Beady were forced or if they were real so I gave up on that crush. Then months later, Beady floated back into my mind.

Mistake 1: I texted “I like you” (not a direct quote) to Beady. It was the end of the school year so I didn’t see or talk to Beady for the entire summer.

Mistake 2: We ended up being able to see each other everyday in school and we also took the same after school club (I sometimes was even lucky enough to give my crush rides home). We never brought our situation to an actual verbal conversation, however, some of the times together became very awkward for each other.

Mistake 3: After extensive consultations, (look at me—using big words 🙂 ) I finally found the guts (and the vocabulary goes right out the window) to call Beady. The issue was that I called apparently as Beady was waking up and I felt uneasy saying my feelings to a sleepy voice and so I panicked and changed the subject.

Mistake 4: (I’m just racking in the mistakes here) I finally made another phone call. This time, I planned it so that Beady’s voicemail would pick up. I left the message. I dropped the L-bomb (aka I said “I still like you”). Ever since then I haven’t received a response from Beady except awkward silences and confusing glances at one another.

Mistake 5: (haha you thought I was done) I called Beady again. I was only going to see if my crush was going to a particular party and then hint that I was curious as to what Beady’s response was. Well some odd voice picked up claiming not to know a Beady (of course this person didn’t say Beady) and that I had the wrong number. I would have assumed that Beady knew it was me and screened my call, but I used a private phone number that Beady’s never seen before and the voice didn’t really sound like Beady anyway. This brought up much more confusion and stress as this happened during the holiday break in which I would have to wait until school started to see Beady again.

When I did see my crush, things weren’t as awkward as I expected. In fact, I had chosen to give up on this crush. But then, Beady started staring at me in a way that I can’t describe. It caught me off guard and instead of trying to act as if Beady’s actions (or lack of actions) hadn’t phased me, I slouched in my seat as if I were sulking and then I looked away.

You know me to not want to give up on my crushes too quickly. Although you also probably can see that this is my longest crush too, these glances (there have a been a few others) have caused me hold on a little longer and see what
the future holds for Beady and me.

There’s nothing like a long post after a week of hiatus. 🙂

One Comment leave one →
  1. Rebecca permalink
    January 8, 2010 10:17 pm

    awwz this was sooo worth reading 🙂

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