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“Wouldn’t it be cool if I ran you over?”

September 4, 2010

I have been referring to a lot of my previous posts lately. Here’s another reference:

In “Cynic Humor” I talked about how it’s amusing to watch people fall down to the ground. It just is. But I’ve also had the urge to do pain onto others without any cause. For instance, I was eating lunch in a dining hall and I saw this girl walking behind me with a tray of food, and I thought, “I want to trip her.” Of course I didn’t trip her, but I would have gotten a nice laugh out of doing so even though I know I shouldn’t. I have always had the urge to just run people over with my car. Not out of anger or humor, but just curiosity—I was simply bored. Perhaps I have an aggressive disorder that I should have checked out, but it’s entertaining to set up these situations in my head. I am a gentle person—honestly—who doesn’t like violence. Maybe it’s all just suppressed negative energy flowing around inside of me that manifests in dreams (I don’t want to call them nightmares; they are fun). You can find me sitting near certain objects/machinery thinking “hmm, I could totally kill that person with this.” (Oh god, maybe I am sick!). I’m like the reverse of those people who see potential danger and panic. I see potential danger and—yes I panic—I panic that I might do something very, very bad. But I have self control and that’s what keeps me sane and not a serial killer. 🙂

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